All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
