Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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