who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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