D3 body, D1 cock
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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