I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
