well I can't set my house on fire every night
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
