i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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