I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
