he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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