def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
