Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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