4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
