1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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