i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
