Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
