Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
