let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Drake has all the answers
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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