I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
