well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
