i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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