the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
