I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
