my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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