Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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