i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
