I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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