Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
