Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
