i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
