Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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