Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
