so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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