Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
