Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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