he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
