I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
