so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
