I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
