Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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