Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
