Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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