Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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