I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Randomize
