There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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