I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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