you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
