i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
