Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
