Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
