hell yes lets make some ravioli
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
