now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
