when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
