so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
