this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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