it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
