youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
