I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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