The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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