My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
