Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize