Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
