FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
