I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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