Pants 0. Shit 1.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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