omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Holy sore nipples Batman
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
