I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
