In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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