mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
