You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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