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I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She bit a glass in half.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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