you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He? As in you personified your dick?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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