I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
