i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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