I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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