I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Vodka?
Forever.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
